In the morning, it's ALWAYS Leah
My friend Margarita recommended I listen to this sermon by Tim Keller. She wrote to me, " i finally found THE sermon that changed the way i saw my family and my need to have a partner in my life". Really what this sermon is about... IDOLS. Idols come in so many attractive packages. Listen and have your mind blown and then come back and read the rest of my post.
I cried when he said, "when the Lord saw Leah HE loved her". This sermon is a picture of how I have been living my whole life searching for the person or thing (a college degree, money, career/success) that would make everything finally OK. TK says, "there is always a ground note of cosmic disappointment" - I understand that to mean that I must accept without any reservations, that there will always be a level of disappointment in my earthly seeking. By definition, Christ will always stand as the ultimate object of my affection because He is LORD - Sovereign and Omnipotent. It could not be different as Christ, by definition of who He is, will always reign Supreme. That is as it should be. Now the trick is in my remembering and applying of this "knowledge" when life lives itself out. I pray the Holy Spirit convicts my heart of this Truth.
Knowing in the morning "it's always Leah" will change me. I just realized as I prepare to leave, that the move and new opportunity in NC is an idol. NC will somehow fix me, restore me, get me on the right track, provide, solve, rescue me.... I now know, in the morning in NC, I will wake up with Leah (though waking up with Leah at the beach and not on Broadway in Bethlehem, PA will be a little less painful!).
I know God is calling me to NC. What He has planned for me... I don't know. We studied Jeremiah 29:1-14 in church this weekend. The people were sent into exile to Babylon (a horrible place) from Jerusalem (the comfortable home) by God. Jeremiah writes to them giving them a hope and direction. Jeremiah instructs them to "weave" themselves into the place they are (horrible Babylon) with the people (pagens) they are with. He tells them they will be there for 70 years (ouch) but delivers the promise that He will bring them home IF they will look for the Lord "wholeheartedly, you will find Me".
Now, Wilmington, NC is no horrible place, but I am going alone - all I have wanted to not be is alone since Mike left and I am willingly increasing my "aloneness" by going where I know 2 people. I know the Lord has plans for me. My heart longs to teach and serve, but first to learn and know the Bible and the Lord more deeply. I feel I am to focus on that goal. Going to NC where I can be "alone" to focus and allow God to work up His plan in and thru me seems to be the next step.
Back to the TK sermon - I heard TK ask, Do I want something in my heart in this world that I know as TRUTH the world can not and will never give me? These are the by nature, "unstatisfiable longings" (my new word) and on some deep level I know the truth is - "IT" will always evade me. The one true thing I crave, want, desire, long for, love, have deep passion for is not of this world. It is Christ - so beyond my intellectual understanding and yet when I stand in the presence of God in church as we sing His praises - my heart beats in my chest with a love, longing and desire I can't even begin to compare to earthly loves nor fully describe. I am captured by a Supernatural Power way beyond my comprehension... all I know is I LOVE it and I am compelled to follow it!!!
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